Dear Man,

When one of your treasured possessions is not at your fingertips please remember that I am your love, your treasure, your esteemed princess, not a mischievous elf with a penchant for hiding socks.

Please know that when I helpfully recall the last time I saw said item I am not subtly admitting to being the last to have used it. Then hidden it for fun.

When I tell you I am sure I saw it on the table last week I am not implying that I saw it, used it and moved it to somewhere I knew you would never find it. Like a drawer or a bin.

When I suggest hiding places for your keys or wallet, like last night’s trouser pockets or the desk top where they are always kept, please don’t seethe and assume that I put them there when your back was turned because I like it when you’re late for work.

When I tidy up I do not throw all of your favourite things in the bin. I only throw your favourite things in the bin when you make me mad, and when I’m mad I don’t tidy. I throw your stuff in the bin.

Dearest Man, when one of your treasured possessions is not at your fingertips, remember that you probably put it somewhere stupid and look in the least likely place for it.

If you strongly suspect that I have hidden said possession, look in the drawer where said possession is supposed to live. If I have touched it that is where it will be.

Dearest Man, I have labelled the drawers.

Lots of love,
Woman.